the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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