My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
