I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
