just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
