FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
