..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
