Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
