Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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