whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
