who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
