I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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