You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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