i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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