So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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