South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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