I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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