Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize