HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
