shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think i have two assholes
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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