I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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