Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
