tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
