theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
