My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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