remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
