He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize