I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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