Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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