I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
