the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize