why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
