she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
