it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
