why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
