Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize