that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize