Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize