I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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