I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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