Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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