Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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