atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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