just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
