he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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