Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They took my balls.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
