he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
