I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
