I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
