Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
