if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
