Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
