Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
