This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
