I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
