Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
