i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Everything about him screamed your future.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
