Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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