Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want nice things and good sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
