Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
