Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
