Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
